Mad Plumber
Mad Skills
My problem is my spouse. We get in these terrible arguments when it comes to how home remodel projects should be done. I explain the best way I know, how it should be done. I make little drawings, showing every little detail, and still she doesn't think I know how to do it. To make matters worse, any other person she talks to with a different opinion is right according to her. If she asked the pizza delivery boy, and he disagreed with me, she would side with him! At times, it seems that even the drunk down the street is more respected than me when it comes to home projects. How do I handle this?
John
Finally, a question, unrelated to plumber that I can answer based on years of experience in the marital trenches. John, just follow these pearls of wisdom, and you'll have your better half eating out of your hand like a hungry puppy!!
1.Keep your mouth shut
2.Do not interrupt her, no matter what she says
3.Listen to her. It may be a good idea to turn the volume down on the remote, put the beer down, or get your nose out of the comic pages at this time
4. For God sake, at least look like your listening!
5.As she's talking, move your head up and down in an approving manner. It may be a good idea to wake up at this point and get your head off the pillow.
6.Stroke your chin, in a way that appears to say to her: HHMMMMMMMM,verrrry interesting.
7. Use the following key phrases, but don't be too patronizing: "Yes Dear"
"Of course, my Dear"
"Anything you say,Dear"
"You're right again"
"I never would have thought of
that, Dearest"
"What a GREAT idea, Honey!"
"This is why I married you!!"
And my personal favorite:"Anything you want to do is alright by me, Dear!"
If these don't work, check out the drunk down the street, maybe he does have a better idea.
So there you go, John, I hope I've been some help. Oh hell, She's yelling again for another beer, I gotta run!! I still haven't done the dishes or finished the laundry!! Good Luck. Marty
John:
I don't know how long you have been married, but you apparently blew it in the first few months. During those initial months, before she has a chance to find out differently, you have to establish that you are a genius about everything. This will keep her from getting advice from other people, since they would obviously be incorrect if you said they were. Now as to those remodeling jobs, the first thing to do is send her home to mother's for a much needed visit. While she is gone, do it. Even if the job is not done when she gets back, it will be too late for her to get advice about doing it a different way. In fact you can take months to finish the job as long as you are emphatic that she will like the finished product. However if you have an 8 year old grandson who also thinks he knows everything, it will either make your life easier or harder depending on which side he takes. (Therefore, suck up to him to keep on his good side.)
John,
First of all John. Can I call you John? I mean no disrespect man, but you didn't leave your last name, and I kinda feel like I know you. Been there and done that man. First off, you just gotta talk to that drunk down the street. I mean right away! Say, Hey drunk! What you telling my wife about remodel? Who does he think he is anyway? Does he know anything about remodel? Does he even have a book on remodel. Me, I got one. I got the Complete Idiot's Guide to Remodeling Your Home written by Terry Meany. Start with the book man. Get the book and HEY! With the book, you don't need your wife talking to no drunk man. Show her the book! Buy here some flowers and cook her dinner. Then just listen to her. My wife says our best conversations are the ones where I just say nothing! Will this work to get your way? Heck! I don't know that! But you could get lucky too ya-know. Mad Plumber
John
Finally, a question, unrelated to plumber that I can answer based on years of experience in the marital trenches. John, just follow these pearls of wisdom, and you'll have your better half eating out of your hand like a hungry puppy!!
1.Keep your mouth shut
2.Do not interrupt her, no matter what she says
3.Listen to her. It may be a good idea to turn the volume down on the remote, put the beer down, or get your nose out of the comic pages at this time
4. For God sake, at least look like your listening!
5.As she's talking, move your head up and down in an approving manner. It may be a good idea to wake up at this point and get your head off the pillow.
6.Stroke your chin, in a way that appears to say to her: HHMMMMMMMM,verrrry interesting.
7. Use the following key phrases, but don't be too patronizing: "Yes Dear"
"Of course, my Dear"
"Anything you say,Dear"
"You're right again"
"I never would have thought of
that, Dearest"
"What a GREAT idea, Honey!"
"This is why I married you!!"
And my personal favorite:"Anything you want to do is alright by me, Dear!"
If these don't work, check out the drunk down the street, maybe he does have a better idea.
So there you go, John, I hope I've been some help. Oh hell, She's yelling again for another beer, I gotta run!! I still haven't done the dishes or finished the laundry!! Good Luck. Marty
John:
I don't know how long you have been married, but you apparently blew it in the first few months. During those initial months, before she has a chance to find out differently, you have to establish that you are a genius about everything. This will keep her from getting advice from other people, since they would obviously be incorrect if you said they were. Now as to those remodeling jobs, the first thing to do is send her home to mother's for a much needed visit. While she is gone, do it. Even if the job is not done when she gets back, it will be too late for her to get advice about doing it a different way. In fact you can take months to finish the job as long as you are emphatic that she will like the finished product. However if you have an 8 year old grandson who also thinks he knows everything, it will either make your life easier or harder depending on which side he takes. (Therefore, suck up to him to keep on his good side.)
John,
First of all John. Can I call you John? I mean no disrespect man, but you didn't leave your last name, and I kinda feel like I know you. Been there and done that man. First off, you just gotta talk to that drunk down the street. I mean right away! Say, Hey drunk! What you telling my wife about remodel? Who does he think he is anyway? Does he know anything about remodel? Does he even have a book on remodel. Me, I got one. I got the Complete Idiot's Guide to Remodeling Your Home written by Terry Meany. Start with the book man. Get the book and HEY! With the book, you don't need your wife talking to no drunk man. Show her the book! Buy here some flowers and cook her dinner. Then just listen to her. My wife says our best conversations are the ones where I just say nothing! Will this work to get your way? Heck! I don't know that! But you could get lucky too ya-know. Mad Plumber
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