A fellow came down with a bad case of hemorrhoids and didn't know what to do. He talked it around among his friends in search of a cure. "We always use tea leaves" said one of his friends, so the unfortunate gentleman gave it a try. He packed his butt-crack full of tea leaves and waddled around for a couple of days to no avail. The discomfort just got worse. He finally bit the bullet and went to the doctor. Doctor says" Yep, you got a bad case of the piles. Stop by Walgreens and get yourself some ointment and suppositories. Things should be looking better in a couple of days. And, oh by the way, you're going on a long journey." This is from an Elmore Leonard novel.