This is from page 1 of Gary Slusser's former sizing pages:
Softener Sizing Chart
IMPORTANT: There are two parts to correctly sizing a softener; capacity and service flow rate (SFR). Look at it like a balance beam scale. On one side is the SFR and on the other is the capacity. The capacity is adjustable by changing the salt dose in a given volume of resin. The SFR is based on the volume of resin and the volume of resin dictates the size of the tank. A softener has to be sized by its (SFR) to be able to successfully treat the peak demand gpm that your plumbing can deliver. If the SFR is exceeded, the softener will not remove all the hardness and iron.
The SFR in gpm is: 1.0 cuft = 9, 1.25 = 10, 1.5' = 12, 2.0' = 13, 2.5' = 18, 3.0' = 20, 3.5' = 22 gpm, 4.0 = 25. FYI, the flow rate from a 100' of 3/4" pipe at 50 psi is 17.5 gpm, for 1", it is 37 gpm. At 30 psi, 3/4" is 14 gpm and 1" is 28 gpm. Of course you will not get that much flow if you have the same ID pipe because your plumbing includes tees and elbows and valves and the fixture risers are much smaller, but if your peak flow rate exceeds the SFR of the softener, all of the hardness and iron etc. in your water will not be removed.
To get an idea of the SFR you need. Your bathtub or an outside faucet will probably have the highest individual fixture flow rate and is an excellent place to calculate part of your total flow rate. Using a bucket, with the hot and cold water running full flow, collect water in a container for exactly 6 or 10 seconds and then physically and accurately measure the amount of water. Then multiply the volume by 10 or 6 to calculate the volume for 60 seconds which is the gpm. This is only the gpm of that tub and doesn't include other water that may be used normally while the tub was filling. If the tub has an anti scald mixing valve then use an outside faucet instead of a tub. Or you can collect the flow for one minute. Once you have the gpm figure find the softner size you need from the above data.
Formula for determining compensated hardness: Hardness in gpg + ((iron ppm or mg/l * 4) + (manganese ppm or mg/l *2)) = compensated hardness round to next higher gpg. Example: 14 gpg + Fe .8 ppm * 4= 3.2 gpg + Mn .6 ppm *2 = 1.2 gpg = 14+3.2+1.2=18.4 rounded to 19 gpg = compenstated hardness.
Capacity calculation: # of People times 60 gals/person/day + all extra water use in gallons/day IE horses etc. multiplied by the compensated hardness = grains/day. Grains/day * 8 (days) for a once per week regeneration (if less than 1 ppm iron; 3 days if you have over 2 ppm of iron) plus a day of reserve (not needed for twin tank models) = the total grains of capacity you need. Then from the chart below find the capacity at the best salt dose that just covers your total grains needed.
Example: 3 people *60= 180 + 10 gals/day for a horse = total 190 gals/day, * 19 gpg compensated hardness = 3610 total grains/day. Then 3610 * 8 days = 28880 total grains needed. Using the salt dose capacity chart below you find the volume of resin that produces 30,000 grains of capacity using 6 lb /cuft of resin. That gives you great salt efficiency and covers your capacity requirement. As long as the SFR of that size softener is correct, you have a properly sized softener with great salt efficiency.
The 6 lb/cuft salt dose gives you 3333 grains of capacity per lb of salt used rather than the maximum salt dose per cuft of 15 lb which generates only 2000 grains per lb of salt. If you use potassium chloride instead of regular softener salt (sodium chloride) and you are using the low salt dose below you may have to increase the salt dose a few pounds.
Sizing Capacity of various salt doses PER CUFT of regular resin. Fine mesh and SST-60 resins are more efficient and are a good choice if you have more than 2 ppm of iron.
EX: 1.5 cuft using a 6lb/cuft (9lb) salt dose generates 30000 grains (3333 grains/lb); 10 lb/cuft (15lb) = 40500 (2700 grains/lb) etc.