reward

Discussion in 'Joke of the day' started by BobL43, Sep 14, 2011.

  1. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Fred wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and
    the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

    He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed
    Fred looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
    So is the rest of the house.

    He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
    I left early to go shopping. Love you."

    So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
    His son is also at the table, eating.

    Fred asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

    His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked
    in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

    Confused, Fred asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the
    table waiting for me?"

    His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,
    you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married"
  2. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Yeah, but Bob that would never happen. lol.
  3. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Married 47 years; haven't yet!:p as far as my reward, I dunno if THAT would ever happen
  4. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    That scary radio reappeared tonite, it was half-stuck in the clothing. Since, I had my own little tiny radio, I didn't dare touch it. Now, this guy came in, asked to be waited on, and I said, " no." He looked! I said, " what do I look like a salesclerk?" ( a lowly salesclerk) He started laughing. Soooo, after an hour, 600.00 dollars later, he asks if I was married, he said, " I see no wedding ring." I said, " where is yours?"

    I told him to put it on. :)

    That is a long time, I would had been married 25 just one month more. He always made me breakfast, he knew, I wouldn't eat if he didn't. ;)

    This will make all the men here sick, lol. He used to make me a little tiny cup of tea everynight. If you think, he spoiled me, yeah. He was my buddy.
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2011
  5. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Well I made ther tea last night and I do several times a week. no big deal, or anything any guy should be ashamed to do or talk about. Too many people live together today that just don't give a crap about each other. Then again, too many new couples break up too soon before they get to really know each other because they can't put up with others crap. SO, I guess there is some balance.;)
  6. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    People do move on quickly don't they? lol. They are married for a year, and it is over babe. Now, if it is just a matter of stupid stuff like, well, he leaves his socks and dirty underwear laying on the floor, whiskers in the bath sink, cap off the toothpaste, those are the things I miss! People aren't marrying either like they used to Bob. They are living together, longer and longer, I kind of really don't understand that, but, then, I am old. And, I don't judge what I don't undestand, that is just not right. I know it wouldn't be right for me. I look at it this way, if I am going to pick up your dirty socks and dirty underwear I want to make sure I get ALL the bennies, lol. We laughed together alot, and had alot of the same common interests. I don't know if that counts for a happy marriage. We were satisfied with little things in life. I loved our Sunday mornings. Since neither of us could make a decent cup of coffee, we would go to get a what we called, " delicious" cup of coffee from Mickey D's. I would tote along a piece of bread and we would feed the birds. There was one bird, a big black crow who was so polite. lol. He would sit across the parking lot ontop of a pole and wait his turn leaving all the other littler birds eat first. Then, he would walk over to our car. We loved him. We called him the, the Walking Bird. He only walked. He was cool. We would come home and head to our basement. Where we had a small table and a black & white Tv, there, we would drink our delicious coffee's. I would read him stuff from the Sunday rag. Even after nearly 24 years of marriage he would pat his knee telling me to come sit with him. And, I did. I was truly the luckiest woman in the world to have had that kind of marriage.
  7. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    One of our common interests Bob was electricity. He was an electrical engineer, much more advanced than moi, but, he always listened to my "version" of how to fix it. ;)

    Oh, what a wise man.
  8. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    I can't find the link to this, but, do a search on utube for Ma and Pa Kettle, alternate math... my favorite, oh, that Pa...
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2011
  9. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Could this expain the drop in marriages? :)

    Husbands and wives, take note: The phrase, "Not tonight, honey," could end up costing quite a bit more than a bruised ego and grumbled acceptance.

    A French wife sued her husband and won about $14,000 because he didn't have sex with her enough, according to Time.

    The wife sued her husband about two years ago for the waning bedroom activity over 21 years of marriage, and now the Nice, France, judge has ruled that a lack of copulation is indeed a violation of the marital contract.

    "A sexual relationship between husband and wife is the expression of affection they have for each other, and in this case it was absent," the judge ruled, according to the Telegraph. "By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other."

    Of course, some men also take extreme measures in dissolving relationships.

    In 2009, a North Dakota man requested half the value of his wife's breast job when the two split.

    Erik Isaacson appealed his judge's decision to exclude the value of the procedure from the divorce case. The judge worried that if breast implants were considered as marital assets, the precedent would extend to other, more necessary medical procedures like root canals or even hip replacements, according to the Bismarck Tribune.

    No argument from Isaacson there: He also wanted his wife's Lasik vision surgery counted as an asset.


    One Egyptian woman, however, might have the most valid of the three divorce requests.

    According to Urban Titan, the woman had to bring her husband to court because he refused to bathe for their entire first month of marriage.
    The man claimed an allergy to water prevented him from maintaining proper hygiene -- and a doctor backed up his excuse.

    Though the doctor's validation of the water allergy made ending the marriage more difficult, the woman did eventually get to split from her husband. One can only imagine that she would not be complaining about lack of bedroom activity.
  10. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Interesting stories:D
  11. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Peggy, a highschool friend, sent me this, you will love it! so funny.

    How Latex Gloves Are Made

    Next time you use a pair of latex gloves when you're painting or crafting,
    you're going to smile when you think of this:

    A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous,
    so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.



    'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

    'No, I don't,' she replied.

    'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all
    hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves
    and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

    She didn't crack a smile.

    But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

    'What's so funny?' he asked.

    'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

    (Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)



    Be afraid of old ladies!
    Be very afraid!
    They have been there and
    done everything!
  12. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Okay, Peggy, I did the scary radio thing tonite. It was already playing when I walked in. Things were fine until, about 2 hours later. Before that it was fun, we ( the other store manager) were eating gummy bears, playing with the instruments, trying on clothes, acting like little kids, then, the TP counter walked in. It abruptly ended. The TP was actually mentioned, I was told I take too many Pee breaks. Pee breaks? I thought about this and thought, Pee breaks? It was added we all take too many Pee breaks. Well, since, I don't smoke, and they do, I will consider it not a Pee break but, a smoke break. I was thinking, give me a break, I got kidney stones. I got to drink alot of water, lol. I guess it is okay, to be a chain smoker. I don't undestand where they get the energy to be so miserable, and so unhappy all the time. It takes alot of energy to do that. She even said today, that she hates the sun. You hate the sun? I guess that is why she does the tanning beds. Which I would ease up on if it was me. Wonder if she hates the moon? I mentioned we had a full-moon earlier last week. I noticed a mathematical error in her paperwork, so, I sat it out for her to see. I was told 6 times, she would call cooperate in the morning. I told her, if I did that to my kids, they would tell me I am repeating myself. I should had left her mistake. But, you know me, fun to me is doing math problems. Like Pa Kettle. So Peggy, that was tonite. I was told, she would bring a roll of TP in tomorrow. I was left with, ( I counted them) lol, 10 squares of TP. LOL. Reminds me of Elaine from Seinfield. So, before I left, I took 9. LOL.
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2011
  13. hj

    hj Moderator & Master Plumber Staff Member

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    quote; Soooo, after an hour, 600.00 dollars later, he asks if I was married,

    One is left to wonder what he received for his $600.00, and if he was satisfied.
  14. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Ah, store goods...
  15. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    That was a funny question, and the honest answer. What were you thinking hj? LOL
  16. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    lol, it would be alot more than that, lol.
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2011
  17. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Now even though we didn't get any TP today at the scary radio place, I did get a smile! I think, I faintly, heard a chuckle. We had so many returns today, clothes that were washed, worn, and tagless today that I said, "what do we look like the Goodwill?"

    We had to start reading the reciept to people where it clearly, states, no used clothing of any kind will be taken back.
  18. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    I did have a robotics engineer come in today, he installs the robotics in OR's, which the surgeons use from another room, no need to even scrub up, they operate from another the other room, doing heart surgeries, anything... He is one of my repeat customers buying hundreds of dollars of supplies, special orders, etc, which I calculate on my 30 plus year old calculator which he said today, " you know they don't make those metal covers anymore" and, this slipped by me, until, he left. Which then, I laughed, cause the cover is covered in duct tape. lol. I got called away on the phone, so, the boss-lady was finishing putting it into the computer, and over charged him by 257.00. So, he comes over to me, saying, " I think, she added this up wrong" so, I checked, and told him " no, she is right... that is my tip."
  19. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    As I said before: Interesting stories. I should have started wrting a book 31 years ago when I started my job with the company I work for. It would now be as big as the old Encylclopedia Brittanica, and made funny reading. But I guess you'd have to been in my shoes, or my fellow employees to understand and appreciate it.
  20. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Well, I 've been working on a book. Several. But, not one on employment. Employment factors in on one of the them. In the context of how awful the medical field can be to those in need medically. Sensitivity goes a long long way, and some angels of mercy are demons of destruction. Like the 2 who back in 98, when I was pretty new to the world of the big C, couldn't had made it harder if they wanted to. I was being pushed into surgery for removing a node when the 2 nurses carried a conversation right over my face. The one asked the other one, " is she terminal?" Well, "she" answered. I told them, " I can hear you, and, I got a name, and no I am not terminal thanks." That should had been a clue to how the medical field can be, but sometimes I can be dense. It took yet another time for me to realize, many are in it, for only the money. I always resented being a patient, for it meant I was someone else's work, their gainful employment but, I didn't realize just how much until years later. I entered the " medical" in other ways, after my diagnosis, because I wanted to make sure I experienced it from both ends. What I found out, was I hate it on both ends. I remember reading a long time ago, when I first started to realize the insensivity of those in the field, an obituary. Oh, one would think, if you got cancer, you would shy away from it, but, instead, you become like a magnet to it. This particular day, I read a large write-up about a woman who just died from breast cancer, and her sister, who wrote that article, at least got it printed for her sister, stated her dead sister's feelings about the medical field. It entirely, matched mine. Up to that point, I couldn't find anyone who would be honest enough to say, " yes, I agree, I have experienced it, too." Nope, it doesn't work that way. Alot of people won't say anything negative for fear it will come back and bite them in the ass. I figure I have already been biten so what is one more bite. So, some of my interesting stories are not always funny, some will show my anger. And, you know what? that is okay. It is okay to be angry when someone mistreats in while you are only trying to save your life. I am not saying, all, was or is, bad, their are some great and kind people to me, but, then, their are those you got to wonder where their heart is. That is the truth. And, any cancer "patient" which I hate to see myself as, will tell you that if they want to be honest. I have experienced things that would curl Mother Theresa's hair. The meaness. And, then, those ...

    ... those, who while you are trying so desparately, to regain your footing, will see you as you don't fit in, and give you a rip-roaring time. Those... people, will make you prove yourself harder than they would any healthy person. I have been there, infact, with the scary radio place, I am there. They hate me. I asked myself why a thousand times, because I am sweet, I smell good, lol, I look good, I got hair, you can't see my battle scars, and I am smart, well, I think, it is called.... a slap in their face. It happened to me, they ask theirselves, " can that happen to me?" and, like I am contagious, they want me out. Well, I aint' going. lol. They wonder, if it did happen would they be able to have the good attitude I got? My GOD, they can't smile or laugh now. A cancer diagnosis would destroy them. Their are those like that. And, that is okay, too. I laugh them all off. Like the medical field, who treat me, like I am invisible.

    Which brings me to my other book. It is a children's book. About the love of my life, Thomas. Thomas and Robert are my cats. And, sometimes, most times, they are better company than humans. So, I have to write about them.

    I have been writing a wonderful book, which even though my mom is deceased, she named, not evening knowing it, while I was growing up. It is about ...

    ... might leave that, so, I can make some money when I make you buy it.

    The first book is about challenges in life. My challenges. None of which most people could ever relate to. I hope it will inspire others not to give up.
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2011

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