Old Fart Jokes, Wanted...

Discussion in 'Joke of the day' started by DonL, Aug 17, 2011.

  1. DonL

    DonL Jack of all trades Master of one

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    Does anyone have an old fart joke ?

    I sure could use a few.


    Never trust a fart, Old or not...
  2. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    never walk into a brown cloud
  3. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    ******

    An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for ******.
    The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
    The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
    The pharmacist said "That won't do you any good."
    The elderly gentleman said "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore, as I'm over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes".:eek:
  4. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    A couple had been married for 50 years.
    They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
    "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
    "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
    "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
    Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
    "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
    "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
  5. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.
    She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
    The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
    The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
    The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
    The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
    The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
    The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
    The woman gives him her license.
    The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."
    The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
    "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells
  6. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Location:
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    smelly arthritis

    An elderly couple (who lived in an old folks home) had had feelings for one another for quite some time.
    Then one day they had a chance to meet up, as the old folks were going out on a day trip.
    The two complained of some sort of illness and the carers told them to say put.
    When the coach with the elders in had pulled away the couple made sure the coast was clear before slipping into the mans bedroom.
    As soon as they'd taken their clothes off and got into bed the man asked the women did she like anything doing to her?
    "I love to be licked down below!" came the reply.
    So the man ventured downwards.
    After five minutes the man came back up.
    "Any wrong?" asked the women.
    "Well yes theres a horrible smell and it tastes quite bad down there" said the man.
    "Oh" said the women. "That must be my arthritis"
    "In your Vagina?" enquired the man.
    "No"answered the women. "The arthritis in my shoulder! I can't wipe my butt!!!":eek:
  7. DonL

    DonL Jack of all trades Master of one

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    lol

    Thanks Bob,


    Just what I needed to get my day started good.


    Have a Great Day.
  8. hj

    hj Moderator & Master Plumber Staff Member

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    Like lawyer jokes, there is only ONE "old fart" joke. All the rest are actual events
  9. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    As a fellow old fart, i would have to agree with that statement. I resemble that remark.
  10. DonL

    DonL Jack of all trades Master of one

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    Me Too.....
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