Given up for Adoption

Discussion in 'Joke of the day' started by BobL43, Sep 14, 2011.

  1. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
    One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal."
    The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan".

    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom.
    Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

    Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
  2. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    clarification

    It's the punch line that is supposed to be funny. you know: I'f you've seen one, you've seen em' all" the boys names sound like those words:eek::eek::eek:
  3. LLigetfa

    LLigetfa DIYer, not in the trades

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    It's no good if you have to explain it.

    Blind Man
    A blink man enters a lady's bar by mistake. Finding his way to the bar, he orders a drink. After a few drinks he yells, "Does anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"

    The place gets silent. Then a woman with a deep, husky voice sitting to the right of the man says, "Sir, since you are blind, I think it is only fair to let you know that

    1.The bartender is a blonde woman.


    2.The bouncer is a blonde woman.


    3.The woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler.


    4.I'm a six foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate.


    5.The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
    Do you still want to tell that joke?"

    "Nah," says the man. "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it FIVE times."
  4. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    well obviously (to me anyway) somebody needed the explanation in post #2 here;)
  5. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Those were funny jokes. 5 times, eh, lol.
  6. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    I don't know where to put this, but, this is real and funny. Ever have one of those days? You know, the one, it doesn't end? Even when you are sleeping? I was sleeping and woken by a bang, it sounded like it came from downstairs, the basement. What spooked me was it even made Thomas, the deaf cat run. So, I heard something. I have been working on that basement all day, infact for 2 days, so, it is torn apart and smells like bleach. I thought something maybe had fallen, from a shelf, or whatever. But, I figured I would call the police. They were here in minutes. The one comes in starts to look around, flashing his light there and here, on the broken desk chair, tossed in the corner by the mantle, ( like I told him, just broke today) he checks out my fossils, and asks what the "rocks" are. lol. And, then heads to the diningroom, checking out the cat hair mess on the rug, lol, flashing his light on it, (thank you) and, then, heads into the kitchen where he promptly starts to look everywhere, like the cats dishes. There in the cats dishes sits, soft cat food, sandwich spread, pizza, and popcorn, ( his light stayed on that for sometime) and, he asks, " pizza?" I didn't answer. So, the 23 year old one likes pizza... what can I say. He heads downstairs and flashes his light onto a metal knight which stands about 7 feet tall and the cop jumps. I jump. I yell, that this my knight. I won him bowling. He is looking at the mess, while I am explaining, I was mold removing, and, he kept calling me " m'am" I thought, WOW, I must look old. And, stupid. I felt stupid. Nothing is out of place. Nothing was opened, nothing had fallen. So, I don't know what it was. He sees dog stuff and asks, if I have a dog. "yeah, he is out on loan.' (pitbulls) We head upstairs and he said, I will check that back room if you want, okay... he flashes his light on my work stuff, and says, " you work alot." And, he left. Boy, one of those days. Dishes in the sink, cat eating weird stuff, dog stuff yet, no dog, house is a mess, and yeah, at 2 am, you got someone shining a light everywhere. It is funny, but, so embarrassing. And, no one left the other cop in. He was outside in the rain, walking around.
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2011
  7. Terry

    Terry Administrator Staff Member

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    I thought the adoption joke was very funny.
    Though I can't believe I fell for it.

    Cookie, if it makes you feel any better, the person that crept into your home and made that noise must have been scared off by the police car and beat feet out of there.

    So you see.........it wasn't a wasted trip.
  8. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    I was more concerned he was going to shoot my knight, lol.

    But, nothing was opened, or touched. It might had been something outside hitting against the wall or window, we got lots of wildlife. Sometimes, I see 2 bucks going at it and they get rough. I got all kinds of outside lights, flood lights, motion lights, you could land planes by my house or bring in ships. It was just this way when we bought it.

    Whatever it was the deaf cat heard it, so, I wasn't dreaming. What is nice, is I got on my road 2 things. A fire dept on one end, and the police station on the other end. And, the neighbor across the road is a cop. My dogs are coming back soon which doesn't please the cats, but, it is what it is. They accept it.

    They are my snarling beasts. Everyone hates them on this road. Everyone got nice dogs, little fluffy ones. lol. I guess I gave the cops something to do.

    When I walk the one, I have to muzzel him because he wants to "taste test" the littler fluffs..
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2011
  9. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Terry, you mean to say you needed the explanation too? In that case it surely wasn't a wasted explanation. I gave it because sometimes a play on words is not clear, especially if English is not your primary language. I'm not sure which language is primary now in the Phillipines, from where the doubt came. I don't see that post here anymore. I did not mean to embarrass anybody here, and apologize if I did. again::eek:
  10. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Glad you are OK Cookie. You stud out the pits? I guess it was a good thing they were NOT there to agitate the cops in this case. some cops get trigger happy when confronted. Well, Iv'e seen that on TV cop shows. I'm sure they're not that way in real life.:D

    I thought pit bulls were supposed to be nice dogs if not raised to be fighters?
  11. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    Well, Bob, I got something new to tell you, this is great, and oh so funny. On the 15th I electronically deposited money from one bank to another. Well, in the process it showed up no where. Well, I called and called, talked to one person to another. It was not a great deal of money, but, it was my money. Mine being the key word here. Then, the person handling it stopped taking my calls. Then, I had a tracer put on it. Still nothing. Nope, no money. So, I decided to go to the second bank. The teller said, your acct is open. I said, " what is the balance?" I was told ....zero. I said, " wrong, where's my money?" So, then, this really great looking man came out, and said, " can I help you ?" I said, " help her, find my money." So, I was taken back into this room and I explained to him, that something is wrong with their website, that he better listen. Well, after an hour he was on the phone he hung up to ask me, " where do you like to eat dinner?" I said, " what for?" He then, said, " well, you found a system error with ***xx company which transfers the money ... you are not the only one. You are the one who found the mistake. His eyes were huge. He then, said, " I want to do something nice for you, what can I do?" I said, " give me my money." LOL.

    I said, " I will give the gift certificate to the restaurant to my son and his girlfriend, but the money is mine."

    Well, I had all the information when I came in written on my business card from the " scary place" so, he said, " do you like working there?" I said, " I HATE THEM." He asked what I did there, I said, " lowly-salesclerk" and explained it when he said, " oh, no the salesclerks are the backbone of any company!" I said, " not there, i am a lowly salesclerk, and, they don't buy Toilet paper there anymore."

    Oh, how funny, he looks at me, and said, " would you want to work here?" And, he was serious, lol. He sweetened the pot with the promise, " you will have the finest and best-stocked bathroom facilties, all the TP you want." We were laughing so hard that other people were looking in the window. I can pick my days, my hours and how many.

    I got a choice of positions, and I was told to call him on his cell phone and let him know. I was talking to my son, and my son said, " go for it" so, I am going to leave the scary place to work for a really great looking guy who is so funny... imagine that, eh. He is the vice president and bank manager.

    I liked him.
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2011
  12. LLigetfa

    LLigetfa DIYer, not in the trades

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    In fairness to yanna, the joke did not say they were identical (monozygotic) twins and we all know that fraternal (dizygotic) twins can be as different as brother and sister.
  13. Terry

    Terry Administrator Staff Member

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    I got the joke, but I should have guessed it way "before" the punch line. I should have seen it a mile away.
  14. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    Hey, now that is Great! He appreciates your sense of humor, and you appreciate his. good luck at your new job there, whatever it may rurn out to be. He LIKES YOU!!
  15. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    OK, now for a cute little joke, that stuff is way too technical. read Cookies sig on each post.:eek:
  16. Cookie

    Cookie .

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    I find it amazing. All the TP I want. ;) I am taking the job whatever, it is I pick. I have never worked at a bank before, so, this is kind of scary for me, but, so exciting in a way, something new. New is good. I am good at math, good at money, because I don't have any, lol, and still exist. :) AND, still happy.

    I got your joke right away and loved it. My brother and I look very much alike, but, you can tell us apart, I think it is the beard that gives it away.

    ( i need to shave) KIDDING...
  17. Terry

    Terry Administrator Staff Member

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    Banking could be good Cookie. Better bathrooms, and they are always so nice where I go. I mean where I go banking.

    But why would the blind guy have to explain five times?
    Cookie only had to explain two times at the bank.

    Was it because everyone was drinking?
  18. BobL43

    BobL43 DIY Senior Member

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    well if you WERE the one with the beard, I can think of another job possibility, but you'd have to travel all over the country in a circus wagon, lol. (just kidding). Any free samples at the bank job?
  19. LLigetfa

    LLigetfa DIYer, not in the trades

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    No, it's because they are blonde.
  20. Terry

    Terry Administrator Staff Member

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    Really? Because they were blond?
    I hope Sue doesn't read this.

    [​IMG]

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